How the Hell Was José Bautista Still Standing After the Knockout Punch of the Year?

Posted on May 16 2016 - 5:38pm by Alani Polan
This post was originally published on this site
GettyImages-531652558.jpg

Getty Images

Simple. It has to be the beard.

Yesterday the Toronto Raptors made franchise history by making the team’s first ever Conference Finals in 21 years. But shockingly that’s not the top sports story coming out of “The Six.” That designation belongs to the bonkers brawl that happened during the Rangers–Blue Jays game that broke out after Blue Jays star José Bautista slid hard into second base. The Rangers’ Rougned Odor was not a fan of that move from Joey Bats (and perhaps from his bat flip in the ALCS last season against the Rangers), so he did what anyone would do in his position. Because when someone at your job does something that annoys you, the only choice you have is to throw a haymaker at their jaw.

Now, most people would be knocked down if someone landed a punch that solid on their jaw. But not José Bautista. After the game, here’s what Joey B had to say:

“I was pretty surprised,” Bautista said. “I mean, obviously, that’s the only reason that he got me, and he got me pretty good, so I have to give him that. It takes a little bit bigger man to knock me down.”

Now I get why José claims the reason he didn’t get knocked down is because Odor is small. It’s important for superheroes to hide their powers publicly. And Odor never saw Joey Bats’ superpowered defense coming:

JoseBautistaBeard.gif

The simple fact is, a beard that lustrous cannot be damaged. Such a beard is incapable of growing on a glass chin. Last year in this very publication, José Bautista’s beard was applauded. What did he do? He came back this season with it thicker and more magnificent. In fact, he made it so thick and great that Rougned Odor’s insane punch couldn’t bring down the Toronto slugger. Beards: They’re not just face decoration, they’re face defense. And that’s one to grow (a beard) on.

Leave A Response